A L’il Bit o’ Dabney…

October 29, 2007

Debbie’s eyes grow large. She grabs the pillow behind her head, hops up, or at least, hops up as well as someone that’s 9 months pregnant can, and pretends to smother Rick.

Alright! You asked for it!



Debbie looks around, as if she’s going to get caught. She takes the pillow off and shoots Rick an innocent smile. He’s laughing, heavy. He reaches for her, and she does it again – dives in with her pillow-of-death.

So you gonna’ rub me with that itchin’ ass thing again? Huh?


(muffled through pillow)


Who’s the boss!




HUH? I couldn’t hear you! WHO’S THE BOSS!




Oh, screw you!

Debbie pushes all of her substantial weight down onto Rick who reaches up, grabs her arm and kicks his legs. Debbie is laughing herself.


Seriously, who’s the boss?

She doesn’t let up, but Rick’s legs do. His arms fall to his sides.
Suddenly Debbie’s demeanor shifts. Instantaneous buzz-kill. She pulls the pillow away from Rick’s face. His eyes are shut, his mouth slightly open, drool dripping down the corner, making a beeline for his ear.
He doesn’t move.

Baby? Come on now! Stop playin’.

But Rick’s a redwood – rigid, non-moving, unwavering.
Debbie’s eyes wiggle in her sockets. She starts slapping him in the face: easily at first, but steadily harder. But none of it makes a difference.

Rick! Don’t do this! You’re fine! RICK!
She starts to cry. What does she do? She doesn’t know CPR, she’s not a doctor. Then the phone on the nightstand catches her attention. She leans over Rick’s face, his nose between her now extremely ample bosom, and grabs the phone.
And just as she does, Rick’s dead, lifeless arms spring to life. He wraps them around her and motorboats into the smiling puff-paint kitty like it’s the X marking the spot.

Debbie yells.

HAHAHA! Who’re you gonna’ call?

Like a yellow-jacket on a sweaty Texas day, Debbie pounces, slapping rick hard across the face, and throws herself to bed’s edge. Her crying has now reached level-10 sobbing. She runs into the adjacent bathroom, slamming the flimsy plywood door in its hinges.

Embarassed and left alone on the bed, Rick lays in the disheveled sheets, contemplating what the hell his next move could be.

Debbie’s loud yelps of sorrow lilt through the room, diffused by the doorway between the two rooms.

Rick realizes he can’t sit idly by any longer. With a deep breath, he gets up, slides off the bed, and marches to the door.


Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead PosterEveryone earth is a Sydney Lumet fan, even if you don’t know it. Whether it’s “12 Angry Men,” “Running on Empty,” “Serpico,” or even “The Wiz,” there’s probably a Lumet film that’s near and dear to your heart. For me, that film’s “Dog Day Afternoon.” Lumet at his best, at the height of his directing craft, showing why he will always be a master storyteller. 


In his latter years, he seems to have lost his way. A great director won’t lose his chops or his ability to tell a story, but sometimes a great director can decide to spend his significant talents on a story that not a lot of people want to see. 


Lumet’s last film was the Vin Diesel starring “Find Me Guilty” which many movie-goers just couldn’t get into. In no small part to the simple inclusion of a wig on top of the lead actors head. Hell, even I’ll admit that after seeing the guy bald for so many years, seeing him with a large, curly wig just comes across as comical. But even “Find Me Guilty” possessed that signature Lumet hallmark – characters that you get to know, that you care about, even if you don’t like them.


“Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead” is no exception to this rule. The acting is phenomenal and the characters are believable and sympathetic, even if you’re not particularly in love with any of them. Well, except Marisa Tomei :p


The title comes, from what I can find, an old Irish blessing that is, “May you be in Heaven a full half hour before the Devil knows you’re dead.” The first place I saw this quote is at my favorite Austin hangout, Epoch Coffee House, written on the wall of the men’s bathroom. But I’m digressing.


The first scene is a whiz-banger – Philip Seymour Hoffman on a bed, watching himself in a wall mirror as pounds Marisa Tomei from behind. It’s his wife, so it’s all good. And in this first scene, you get a taste for what the entire film is going to be about: the dissatisfaction with one’s life and what some people will do to escape that.


Hoffman plays Andy, a payroll manager for a New York City real estate company. He immediately comes across as sleazy, something that Hoffman is very good at. At times his performance was reminiscent of what he gave us in P.T. Anderson’s “Punch Drunk Love,” but far deeper and far sadder. 


Marisa Tomei is underused as Andy’s ditzy wife, Gina. She’s gorgeous and butt-ass naked a good number of times in the film. She works as a catalyst that causes some of the major turns in the plot, but I don’t want to spoil anything for anyone. Just know that naked Marisa Tomei = nice.


Ethan Hawke plays Andy’s screw-up younger brother, Hank. Hank works for the same company as Andy, though we’re never told what he does exactly. All we know is that Hank’s got an ex-wife/girlfriend that hates him, an ungrateful daughter he’s trying to give a good life to by spending all of his money to pay for an expensive school, and some serious cash-flow problems. That’s how the plot starts.


Some slight spoilers here, but nothing major. Trust me, there are big twists and turns in this one: Andy approaches Hank with a proposition to rob a jewelry store. The goal is to solve both of their money issues, and as they know the store well, they will have no issues getting away with the goods. And, after all, it’s a victimless crime – the owners are insured for all the jewelry. So what bad could happen? 


You can probably guess. Everything and anything that you could think of, and a lot more you couldn’t. Rosemary Harris, from Spider-Man Aunt May fame, does a great job as Andy and Hank’s mother. She’s sweet and true, though like Tomei, she isn’t given much screen time. But again, her character itself plays a vital role in the film’s ultimate outcome, so even if we don’t spend much time with her, her presence is very felt.


Albert Finney as the father of Hoffman is an absolute stroke of casting genius. When the two are near each other, you believe they’re father and son. Always a powerful figure, Finney’s anger is real and unstoppable. He can’t be reasoned with when the nasty hits the fan, and is the ultimate force for justice, no matter who gets in the way.


Of particular note should be Ethan Hawke’s performance. This is an actor we’ve all grown up with and have seen in such a myriad of roles. Yet, unlike a DiCaprio or even a Phoenix, he doesn’t really get the credit he deserves for being such an amazing chameleon. Even though he’s still got the great bone structure and handsome good looks he’s always had, Hawke is able to make us believe that Hank is a lovable screw-up who just can’t get things right. 


If there’s a character you do walk away feeling for, it’s Hank. He’s had a hard life, and unlike some of the other characters in the film, the situations he’s in aren’t necessarily his doing. 


The film is deliberate. Not long. But at times, Lumet lingers on shots to build the tension and for some people, who are used to the fast-cutting style of modern filmmakers, I know this can be off-putting. I heard the complaints outside the Paramount last night, though I have to disagree. But, I’m the guy who adores “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” so maybe I’m not a great judge on what is and isn’t too long.


The timeline in this film is all out of whack. Its nothing you haven’t seen before, and Lumet does give you clear labels on when something is placed, a la “Hank: Three Days Before the Robbery,” and so on. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. About halfway through the movie, you think they’ve abandoned it, as it’s done serving it’s purpose, but then you get one more, and its more of a chore to go through than anything else. By this point, you’re wanting the straight, linear progression of the story from a standard inter-cutting of character scenes. 


In many ways, this reminded me of Scorcese’s “The Departed,” a film that most of America absolutely loved. The tone is there, the ultimate impending sense of doom is there, and the relentless ending that you don’t expect, but can understand shows up too.


At the end, you’re not going to walk away feeling good. Or with all the answers. But nowadays – that’s sort of refreshing. 

The Pool…

October 16, 2007

I’m ridiculously excited!For the first time since graduating, I have finished a script.

Well, that’s not technically true – I did the script for Mobius, our entry to the Bloodshots 48 Hour Horror Film Competition that we won second place for…

But, that was something I wrote in like 2 hours, and it was definitely a rush job, working around the crew/props/locations we had. It was true to itself, but it had boundaries that I knew I couldn’t move beyond, even if I wanted to.

And while I’ve been working on a number of scripts (Blossom, Devotion, Sons of Gods) on the side, seeing which feature would come to me first, I haven’t completed another script since before June 2007. That was a spec script for an episode of Monk. Pretty good, actually.

Anyway, The Pool is going to be part of the Live Zombys series that we refuse to let die. Especially in light of our being selected into the Dismember the Alamo competition that’s going on in a few weeks. We’d like to have three really good stories – representing the beginning (The Pool), the middle (The Judgement or Family Man) and the end (The Farm) of what its like to live in a world of the Live Zomby’s universe.

The Pool takes place at the beginning of the plague, before anyone is really aware of what’s happening. It’s written in a very specific way, one that I think totally misleads the audience, and for that, I’m excited. It’s just in a first draft (though my first drafts are pretty tight), but when it’s production worthy I’ll post it here for everyone to read.


October 14, 2007

I enjoy being alone.

Not in the sense that I don’t want people around me. Or in the sense that I don’t want friends, or don’t like hanging out with friends, or don’t like spending time out with those that are near and dear to me, watching movies/playing video games/doing whatever. I just mean, that when the opportunity arises, I like to be by myself.

I’ve been this way for a long while. When I was married, it wasn’t good for that relationship. My ex-wife, Carmen, was not a night owl in the slightest.

Me? I can go to bed at 4:30am and be at work at 9:00am. But she had to be in bed by 9:00pm or 10:00pm at the latest. Like clockwork. Which meant most of the time, we didn’t go to bed together. I think there are a couple of rules to marriage, and ‘never going to bed angry’ and ‘going to bed together’ are in those rules.

I like spending time with my thoughts, doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, and where I want to do it.One of the scariest prospects of being in a relationship is losing this ability to just come to the coffee house, sit here and write, whenever I want to.

Right now? I just spent the day at the Dobie theatre , running the projector, and after a failed attempt to quickly park downtown so we could attend the Festival After Party, I realized that instead of going home to write, I could do it at my favorite place in Austin!

But I wonder – if I’m really by myself? I eschew going home, where I’ll sit in my room by myself and choose to come to this place, where its ridiculously packed most of the time, day or night, and create my own little bubble.I open a tab. I get a Large Triple Mexican Mocha (iced or hot depending on my mood), pull out the MacBook, pop on my head phones and I start doing whatever.

But I look up. I see people moving around me. I eavesdrop on conversations. I speak to people if there’s the need. I smile. There’s interaction, but even if one of my friends is here with me, the ultimate goal isto be by ourselves. There are groups here talking, drinking coffee, hanging out – all interacting. Not something I’ve done here, but maybe that’s a good idea?Eitherway, most of the people here are doing the same thing I am – creating their insular little bubble, their own private world in the sea of other private worlds, and enjoying their faux solitude. 

So maybe I don’t like to be 100% alone…but at the very least, i like being with my thoughts. Sometimes its the only way to sort them out.  

The Farm…

October 12, 2007

 Just got the news that a film we did has been accepted into the Alamo Drafthouse Zombie Festival – Dismember the AlamoVisit the Web Page!”

The Farm was the first episode of a series John Gholson concepted during our time at the Savannah College of Art and Design, when I was the General Manager of Beecon, the Student Run Television Station.

The series was called Live Zombys and had the goal of being a set of non-sequential zombie shorts that told different stories within a world where mankind and zombie-dom had come to co-exist.

We created rules. For the universe, and for the filmmakers – like no script could be over 8 pages, and no short could take over 1 day to shoot. Though, since we just finished post-production work like over a year later, that aspect could clearly take longer.

We’ve done another in the series, and I’m actually about to pen a new installment, so that we have a nice triad of films.John wrote this one. And starred in it as Whit Granberry. I directed/dp’d/color corrected/edited and brainstormed on the ideas. Paul Gandersman worked on the color correction and editing as well. Sam Eidson and Kate Heckman are the other two actors which make this short so interesting. They’re absolutely phenomenal in the subtlety they gave the characters – especially when you consider Kate played a Zombie!

The screening is open to the public for free, and is at 6:30 on October 25th. Seating is limited, so get to the Lake Creek Alamo Drafthouse early. You’ll get to see a great block of zombie shorts created by people all around the world. Should be a fun time. 

And now…for your enjoyment…the Live Zombys: The Farm trailer we did oh so long ago… 


Less Talk, More Ringtones!

October 12, 2007

 When I opened up my iTunes today, I had this deep, burning desire to hear a song. I do buy music, occassionally. That song was “Less Talk, More Rokk” by Freezepop.

If you’ve played any decent amount of Guitar Hero II, then you know it. Yeah, that one – deeedle-deedle-deedle-doodle-deeedle-do-de-do…Anyway. I download music. I borrow music and all the rest of that jazz. Everyone does.

But, I didn’t want to utilize BitTorrent or P2P programs. Not with what’s recently happened to that single mother- Terrastarr. ITunes Ringtone Fun!So I opened up iTunes and searched for it. $.99 like all songs. But beside that title was the “Bell.”

Now, as any iPhone owner can tell you, this little bell means ‘Hey! You can buy this song, then give us an additional dollar for the luxury to have 15 to 30 seconds of it play whenever someone calls you!

Bullshit,right? Yeah. I agree. But that didn’t stop me from being a complete consumer whore and purchasin the song. And then purchasing the right to use the material that I already owned as a Ringtone.It took me a bit to figure out just how exactly you make a song you’ve bought a Ringtone.

There are no buttons. Typing in ‘ringtone‘ in help for iTunes resulted in nothing. I finally right-clicked it and voila! There it was.

The option for me to pay Apple and truncate. The little piece of mini-software that  you use to choose your 15 to 30 seconds isn’t intuitive, or powerful, but it was shiny and glossy in that way all Apple interfaces are, and so, therefore, it was far more valuable to me. I spent a few minutes, finding the snippet I wanted to use – basically, the really badass synth appregio at the beginning, and did it.

I had a Ringtone.Synced up my iPhone. Opened up my Settings, and set that bad boy.But no one’s called me yet, so that’s sort of a bummer. I’m extremely anxious for my first call with my new ridiculously-expensive-for-what-it-is Ringtone. Apple’s site ballyhoo’s the fact that even at $1.98, hey, it’s cheaper than most ringtones you can buy.

Which may be true. But I’ve never had to buy Ringtones before. There was always  way to edit a song with something like Adobe Audition or similar, save a .MP3, and get onto my phone.

Either by sending it in a message, or uploading it to website, or whatnot.So, damnit, I better start rokkin’ out whenever my phone rings.Eventually, maybe I’ll foray into that deep, dark, scary world of hacking my iPhone again, but I’m not sure.

I’ve found a vast majority of the applications to be almost as useless as the new Web Apps that Apple put up yesterday. Y’know, the one that’s not even optimized for my iPhone’s Safari? It’s the greatest.But as it now stands, so many of the 3rd party applications are boring. Useless. Crap that someone’s created, and a lot of it with a poor interface and design.

Makes me wish I knew how you wrote applications for the iPhone, so that I could have a little bit of fun myself. Oh well :)C’est la vie!  

How much I care about the actual science behind our present culture of short-attention span citizenry will be evidenced by the lack of research this entry has associated with it.

I don’t know why modern man has no idea what the word patience means, other than it’s a ‘really kickass song by Guns ‘n Roses.’ THEY (yup, that huge massive entity of consciousness known as THEY or THEM which is the expert on all facets of life) have stated, in various articles I can’t cite and various programs I can’t name, that it’s the MTV effect.

How exactly a need for instant gratification and complete Demons…always followin’ me!loss of steadfastness when it comes to any and all tasks can be attributed is unknown to me.Demons…always followin’ me!

Maybe it’s derived from the concept of the music video – short little clips, stories, that end and begin before the 5:00 minute mark is usually reached.Who knows, that may be it. Afterall, it would seem as if our national ability to concentrate coincides with the advent of 24-Hour Music Video On Demand Happy FunTimes!

What it may mean, and seems more likely, is that it refers to the fast editing style of the modern music video and how we now expect things to come quick and fast, that we refuse to allow ourselves even a modicum boredom at any given moment. If it is this, then I know the progenitor of his phenomenon. The mother that gave birth to the future generations of hummingbird-brains.

The Mother of Small Attention Spans

Her name is Amy Lerner-Maddox, and she’s a fantastically, stupendously wonderful, caring woman.Amy taught a few classes at the Savannah College of Art and Design, my alma mater. She taught me Commercial Production and espoused the wonders of getting involved in ad agencies in the role of ‘creative’ so that you can make the big bucks and live in a fast paced lifestyle.

She bought us snacks almost everyday of class, which would usually equate to over $20 of her own personal money, never once gave us a test, and loved every project that came through her classroom.Of course, since she had worked for some of the largest advertising agencies in the world, she had the capability and eye to discern the crap from the cream, but she was nice to Amy Lerner-Maddoxeveryone and their projects. Often I was the biggest asshole voice of dissent in the class.

You know those Lubriderm lotion ads? The one with the woman in the white room, with a white dress, in a white chair/sofa/chez lounge? Where the aligator walks by? Yeah. That was Amy. That was her idea, so, when this woman says something – you pay attention.

Anyway, Amy tells us that she used to work with/for MTV back in its beginning. And that her role was Producer. And that in this role, it was her job, not that of the Director’s oddly enough, to oversee the editing, make sure she was happy with it, and that it was sufficient.

Well, apparently her team was editing a music video for someone (or it may have been a commercial, but I do think it was a music video) and as the hour approached to turn it in, she just started suggesting quick, fast cuts from shot to shot. Anything to get it done.

She turned it in. It was a huge, massive, world-changing hit.She won awards for it. She’s won awards for lots of things. And with her award winning came an entirely new way to edit. A way that is now so imprinted onto the expectationsof society that movies, videos, tv-shows before it seem boring and uneventful to the masses. In my opinion (and that’s what this whole thing is about, is it not?) Amy Lerner Maddox footprint on society is probably more significant than that of Orson Welles and Citizen Kane.

Remember When Everyone said ‘Paradigm Shift?’

Kane changed the way movies were made. But Amy’s work changed the way society functions. Citizen Kane PosterMaybe for the better, maybe for the worst, but it made an impact eitherway.

That doesn’t mean she’s to blame. Afterall, it took everyone else copying what she did for it to change MTV, and subsequently the world. Then it would have only gone so far if not for the popularity of the internet and society translating this desire for immediate entertainment and gratification into workflows and lifestyles.

You click a link. You want it there in 20 seconds. And that’s on the long end of the spectrum. We’d like it in 10 seconds, please, and we want to immediately be able to move to the next link and the next page and the next product or person or concept or work of art within the blink of a gnat’s eye.

Consider the fact that if you surfed Wikipedia or Google on a 56k dial-up connection, you’d complain about how long it was taking. But then reflect back to 20 years ago, and how to access that same information could take hours if not days by searching through phone books, directories, encyclopedias, libraries and talking to experts.

The Second Renaissance is not Just A Concept from The Matrix

Our world is amazing and horrifying at the same time. We are in the Second Renaissance, but we’re too illiterate to understand that. We are absolutely in an age of enlightenment which is unsurpassed by anything that’s previously occurred and the likes of which were hardly fathomed even in the annals of science-fiction-future-hope-wishing.

Of course, some writers touched on it. Just like Jules Verne was able to concept the submarine before such a thing existed, but the level at which technology and information and camaraderie has grown since 1996 is absolutely awe-inspiring.

Everyone is an artist. Everyone is a writer. Everyone is a multi-tasking-multi-doer who doesn’t wear just one hat, but many. When i say everyone, of course I’m not hubristic enough to think this means every person in the known universe. A large portion of civilization isn’t logged-in, tapped-in, turned-on. But a huge segment is, and that demographic grows every single day.

My mother even has a blog.

Wikipedia. This is the perfect example of this new enlightening. A place where anyone can cA Tomato. Because it’s something I looked up on WikiPediaome and add information for the collective good of mankind. Of course, not everything on Wikipedia is accurate, but that’s sort of the magic of the whole thing. Because the new information world isn’t about cold, hard, indisputable facts.

It’s about opinion, conjecture, and how we all feel about things and how what we know has shaped those opinions and made us experts in a million different things.

Mankind is full of Renaissance Men.

Get out, ye demon of hell!

This new world is a dual edged sword. Except the conceit of only two edges is extremely antiquated. Imagine a spikey ball with every conceivable vector and angle and surface covered with razor sharp barbs. And those barbs have their own razor sharp barbs. And so on.How many ideas did you have today?

How many things that you wanted to do? How many tasks did you want to accomplish before your head hit that pillow, be it early in the evening or early in the morning? Most likely, if you’re reading a blog, it was way too many. And what’s even more astonishing, is that you did accomplish many of them. Many things that you wanted to do were finished or at the very least, began.

Me personally? Let’s see, today, I would like to: write on my feature film script entitled ‘Devotion,’, write on a short called ‘The Pool,’ color correct one movie, subclip another movie, re-edit a third movie, work on 1, 2, 3, 4 different websites, work on this blog, update this blog, edit an interview for my day job I’m very lucky to have, do motion design work for that interview, get my Austin Film Fest badge, go see some panels at the Austin Film Fest, go see some movies at the Austin Film Fest, eat dinner, go see the Darjeeling Limited tonight at the Krypto…THE SUPA’ DOG!Alamo Draft House, update the artwork for my senior thesis so that it can be sent to festivals, find festivals for the film, start to concept the larger overarching story for the concept that is Sons of Gods, go to the gym so I’m not such a fatty-fatterson, create graphics for this blog, spend time with my dog Krypto, and of course, spend time with the people that are near and dear tome, learn how to make iPhone applications, learn how to make Mac applications for OS X, and always the desire to learn how to play the piano.This is a typical day for me.

A dozen or more things going through my head, and this isn’t including all the other things on the back burner that I won’t even begin to give a desire for.

These are all demons that need to be exorcised. Little creatures, nibbling at the base of my skull, feasting on the gray collection of cells that somehow propels my body into motion and allows me to at least attempt to accomplish some of these tasks.

Each of these are demons that need to be exorcised.

There’s Only so Much Room

I have trouble getting tasks out of my head. The little header image you see up above? That took me a few hours, because I was meticulous about everything. Because that’s how I approach most of the things in my life, work, work, work, refine, refine, refine.

But a lot of the time, I can’t get to kicking the ass of one demon when there’s a different one gnawing at me. I had to do that header above before I could write this post. And I had to write this post before I could work on my short script. And I have to write that short script before I can work on the feature, and that before I work on a different feature (one of a multitude chewing on my cerebellum), before I can work on a website, or art or Sons of Gods.Argh!Of course I’ve tried task lists. But I don’t use them.

Of course I’ve tried budgeting my time. But that doesn’t work either. Usually not past the first day I start. There are just too many things to accomplish, and I want to do them all.So what’s the answer? I have no idea. That’s sorta‘ kinda’ what this whole thing will be about.

All the little demons feasting on me and anyone interested taking a front-row seat to watch the excitement.

Monkeys Love Sparkleeees!

October 9, 2007

Since I can remember, I’ve always been a Windows guy. I love my “Start” button. I love RIGHT CLICK > EXPLORE. I love being able to do anything and everything I want to on my computer, from editing the Registry to stopping any program at any time for any reason, period.

But, more than I love all this stuff, I love pretty things. I love slick, sexy interfaces that bounce when you click on them. I love aluminum and brushed metal. Embossed words. High resolution icons (iCon?). I love Final Cut Pro. And Color. And motion. And I always loved my iPod.MacBook Pro

About a month or so ago, I bought my first Mac. A MacBook Pro. It hasn’t been without its problems – getting hung up with crappy software that doesn’t know what to do when the computer gets restarted. The pain in the butt it is to sometimes wake the computer out of sleep mode and the seemingly endless excercises of closing the lid, opening it, and closing it, and opening it again before I get my log-in screen. Then to log-in only to have it boot me back out to black, so I can repeat the process to finally get inside.

Yet, I have to admit, I’ve stopped using my tower at home. WindowsVista isn’t evil. It’s actuallly rather sleek, and the animations are wonderful. Its fast, and being asked ‘Are you sure?’ isn’t nearly as big of a deal as the naysayers (who will always find something to complain and nitpick about)  tell you it is. No more so than having to enter in my password everytime OS X wants to install something new or make a system change. Both are for the protection of the user. Somehow Apple gets away with it and Microsoft gets lambasted.

Its funny, that while Microsoft may have the biggest market share, on the internet, there’s definitely an undeniable feeling that they are the underdog. Perhaps its because the Mac userbase *has* doubled since the introduction of Intel Macs, and no, most of us aren’t running Bootcamp or Parallels. I can’t imagine why I’d need to, thanks. In the end, Mac OS X is an operating system, that runs on  a computer, and like all the various incarnations of Windows, it handles tasks you want to perform on a daily basis.

Checking mail? Yup. Creating graphics? Yup. Surfing the web? Yup. Writing? Yup. Doing tediously boring office work in any number of cross-platform office suites? Yup.

The difference is that Apple, and primarily Steve Jobs and  Jonathan Ive, understand our innate desire to have something beautiful. Sparkly. Slick. Like chimpanzees Apple Keyboardfighting over glass beads, we all want the sleekest, prettiest objects around, and Apple offers this. Look at the new Apple keyboard.

Did I need to buy this? Was it necessary for me to fork over $49.99 to get this input device when I alread have 2 perfectly workable keyboards at home and my roommate Paul has 3 pre-new-fangled-keyboard-goodness type boxes for me to use? Nope. But damn! LOOK AT IT! That’s just gorgeous. And, to be honest, amazing to type on. The keys are ridiculously responsive and the spacing makes it far easier for me to keep from making mistakes as I’m sailing across the plastic plates at 80wpm.

Ooops. Rendering done. Be back later.